wandering

Psalm 105:12-15

When they were but few in number, few indeed, and strangers in it,

they wandered from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another.

He allowed no one to oppress them; for their sake he rebuked kings:

"Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm."

Do you know who the "they" were that the Psalmist was talking about? "They" were just a couple of guys named Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. "They" just happened to be the guys God chose to bless in such a unique and special way that all of us would be the beneficiaries of the overflow of that blessing. But "they" spent their life wandering, wandering in their inheritance, wandering through the promise. Wandering.

I know about wandering. I like to wander. When I am wandering through a store it can be expensive, when I am wandering through my kitchen it can be dangerous, and when I am wandering in my mind it can be a bit scary! Wandering has a bad connotation often that I do not think is intended here. I think the wandering was an act of obedience, of sacrifice, of purpose. Is it possible to wander with purpose? Yes I think it is, and the reality of that made me feel just a whole lot better about the last several months of my life!

When I think about how "they" were described in Hebrews 11 as being commended for their faith in wandering it gave me a whole new appreciation for the discipline it takes to wander. Not the kind of aimless wandering that I do out of boredom or restlessness, but the kind of wandering that refuses to go anywhere else even when you think your obedience is taking you in circles.

I love looking at Abraham's life. The guy that God promised so much to in terms of an inheritance. A piece of land he could see and step on. In fact God went so far as to say that everywhere he put his foot would belong to him, yet the only piece of land Abraham ever had his name on was the parcel he and his wife were buried in. His wandering had boundaries, his wandering contained hope, his wandering was an act of obedience.

When I look back over summer months it is not hard to think of a word like wandering. It seems the same trash is on the floor today as it was in June, although it was picked up at least 100 times. The same items line my "to do" list, and the same number is on the scale. It would seem I would have little to show for these several months. That is until I look am my sons. My boys who have seemed to grow an inch and age several years. My guys that diligently got up at 6 each morning to drive the nearly half hour to school to lift weights and run with their football team. The guys who have learned to respond rather than react to all that life can throw, and life has quite a fastball! The guys who have celebrated the simple things that the summer has given. The joy of jumping off the roof into the pool. The fun of smores over a smoky fire in our backyard pit. The anticipation of the ridiculous shows we love to watch together on tv. And the reality that maybe the trash is still on the floor because choices were made the night before to put people about stuff and hang out rather than pick up.

I look at my sons and I know that I wandered through this summer with them. And we hit all the right places, for just long enough. We did not take vacation together, we did not do many of the things other summers have held. But in a way I think we did much more. I love the feeling of knowing that our time was well spent, rather than having something to show for our time. Souvenirs are just a little overrated, I would rather see the change in my boys as they walk down the hall each morning to start a new day just a little taller, a few more whiskers, and what seems to be a lot more ability to wander out the door and change their world.

I know I live within the promises of my life. I know there are boundaries, and I know there is purpose. And on the many days that feel as though I have passed this way before I have to know the truth that "they" knew that I am living by faith, I am looking forward to something that only together with my guys, and many others will I truly be able to arrive at a place that feels like home.

deep waters

Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen... Psalm 77:19

I used to love going to the ocean as a kid, before Jaws that is :). I would take my very cool, very Styrofoam boogie board out to hit the waves. I remember how exhausting it was getting out to the breaking waves. It was amazing riding them in, crashing onto the sand, face or bathing suit full of sand. But the feeling of turning around and facing the incoming waves was altogether different! Unlike body surfing, diving under waves was not so easy when you had a board in your hands. I would try to follow the guys out but if they were even a few feet ahead of me the waves they cruised over would break on top of me! I can identify with the Psalmist and his "mighty waters" the way through them is not easy to find that is for sure.

I feel like much of my life has felt like those attempts to get past the breaking waves to find a chance to ride a great wave onto the sand only to turn and face the crashing waves again. It has been a whole lot of exhausting!!! But I have also learned that the physical kind of exhaustion does not come close to the soul-drenching process of what happens when you pass the breaking waves and get out to the deeper waters. I think life is much more than looking for the next wave. The next thing that will get us through the day. At times I think my waves are defined as a new shirt, a trip to the fridge, or even (this summer) another game of solitaire, must be the game for those feeling lonely :). Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that those waves will leave me with consequences, maybe on my credit card, scale, or lately in the form of a messy house because I would rather take the next five minutes to play solitaire rather than unload my dishwasher.

So why would I want to keep looking for the next wave??? Because if I don't I have to live with the deep water, that is much more disconcerting than finding waves. I would rather ride on top rather than see what is really beneath. The depths. It is dark, it is mysterious, and to be honest, it is full of fish and I don't like them. I don't eat them, and I certainly don't want to see them outside an aquarium. What I don't find in the deep is direction, no footprints to be found.

Isn't that a great passage? Don't you love thinking about that? Don't you love the picture. The Psalmist is saying, God you led me out here, now what? Where are your footprints? Where is the next step. There are not waves out here beyond the breakers, it is silent, it is peaceful beyond the waves but it is also incredibly unnerving!!! To be honest, I spend much of my time trying to paddle in a take the waves to shore, even when that means going back through the mighty waters. It seems a familiar battle, tiring though it is, it seems easier than looking for footprints under gallons of cloudy saltwater.

But the great news is that if you read that passage it truly holds some great hope at its core. His path, that means He led us. God is still there, in fact He is clearly laying out the way, straight through the mighty waters, right to the deep. And though we cannot see His footprints, that does not mean they have not been there. That does not mean He is not there. I mean, how in the world can you leave a footprint in that depth. It is dark there, you can only feel your way. You can only know your way, because even in the depth, in fact especially in the depths you can hear His voice...Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

I have heard His voice in the depths. I have found direction there. There are no footprints, there is something better. There is insight, there is understanding, there is hope. There is something so much more exhilarating there than finding the next big wave. After all, who wants to fight those mighty waters when you can have the peace that can only be found in the depths.

Emphasis

"...you who seek God, may your hearts live!" -Psalm 69:32

When I read that verse this morning what caught my attention more than the words was the explanation point! I am on my second to last book of the Bible and after 10 years of going through it verse by verse, word by word, I am hard pressed to come up with another one of those emphasis points. So, after my little punctuation reaction I looked back at what was so important. It was that hearts would be alive! (emphasis God) :)

I have spent, as you can well imagine, much time mulling over the concept of how God recaptures our hearts. But it had been a very long time since I contemplated the vitality of the heart He was holding onto. I think in the midst of famines my hearts that God is reaching for gets as shrivled at the dry wheat in a field vacant of water. Like a raisin. Is that sick or what. Shrivled, wrinkled, a bitter reflection of what it once was. How do you like that for graphic!

What a very cool reminder today that it is not enough to stand in the drying out field of my life and to not move despite the harsh winds that blow there at times. It is not enough to let my heart dry up in the famine, my hopes, dreams, and expectations fading with each passion day. Its basically not enough just to survive. He really wants to recapture hearts that are actually still beating!

Hearts full of energy despite the lack of... whatever they are missing. Hearts that don't live life in spite of anything, but in everythings somehow keep moving in the direction of God. After all, if I looked back at my little portion of a verse, before the explanation point, even before the comma, there are some pretty important words... "you who seek God" So even if I am in the middle of a desert, and can do nothing but stand in a dry field, there is a way I can be seeking God. Hoping in Him. Listening to Him. Waiting for Him! Ouch, that may be the hardest. After all I can seem alive for only so long. Its like holding your breath underwater, you can feel good for the first few seconds but then a panic sets in as your lungs begin to scream for what they need. Our hearts can do that too I believe as we wait out some pretty long famines. They can cry out for an answer. That sounds like life to me. And it also sounds like seeking as well. Maybe hearts that are alive are a bit loud, wet, and need a shock from time to time. That is truly better than the raisin kind that have little life left. Certainly nothing to squeeze out! So I am paying attention to God's punctuation today and while I am waiting for some famines to end, while He is using a variety of things to recapture my heart, while I am waiting... I am going to not forget to live!

Summer

Hey Guys summer is here! We are adjusting to a new routine that involves early morning weight-training for the guys and moments of work for me here and there. I do love having a schedule that is a little softer, but we sure have to get used to a new routine.
I am most excited about the outline for a new book hitting the corners of my brain, they seem to have some freedom as there is not too much up there right now. A little soft and out of practice from focused thinking for sure. But I am loving the thoughts about finishing, what we should and should never finish. Maybe I could start with finishing eating, in fact, maybe even keep typing instead of heading down the hall for the last piece of apple pie on the counter! But as much as I would love to say I have control over my eating, which I don't (however I did not eat the pie) I am thinking about finishing other things. First on the top of my soft, vacant brain is to finish feeling sorry for myself! How is that for fun and honest. I am thinking about anchoring my new book in the Minor Prophets, not sure which of them felt the most sorry for himself, maybe they all did at times, because they shared the thing I believe sits at the bottom of self-pity which is extreme loneliness. Not always from being alone, but more from being alone in your feelings, thoughts, burdens. For that to continue is truly the choice of one person and that is us. Why do we love that place enough to move toward it even when we have options that would take us away? And if we were to finish feeling sorry for ourselves what would that look like? If I knew I would probably now be letting out a heavy sign right now, or getting up to get the apple pie, just kidding, I am having more fun figuring this out with you than eating! Even though I don't think Jonah has the answer for us completely in this place, he sure was a guy who knew how to wallow in self pity, not sure he totally figured out how to solve that as he sat and overlooked Nineveh still intact, but he did at least figure out how to get over himself in the belly of a big fish. Listen to what he said as his throat was being strangled by the seaweed: "When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your hold temple. Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." I think that is enough. As I type that out the only thing I can think is that there is no more disgusting an idol than ourselves, and no better way we worship it than when we are throwing a great pity party for one! How is that for some summer cheer, you probably wish I would have gone for the apple pie! :) No really guys, don't you think it helps at times to just say it, to say this whole thing is about me and I don't like any of it and somehow as the words come out we realize that we are sinking in a mess of seaweed and it dawns on us that we could make this about God, we could like Jonah remember him and we possibly might even make Him more important that us and take hold of some of that amazing, undeserved grace we have been forfeiting. I feel better! I hope you do. I think this blog stuff might be pretty cool, there is nothing I love better than discovering truth out loud, you may not still be reading, you may have checked out with the whole apple pie thing, but if you are, I would love to hear what you think, you don't have to tell me you feel sorry for yourself, but maybe you can connect with the truth that you can find in the belly of a big fish!

Coming soon!

I'm new to the whole blogging thing so bear with me...more coming soon!